•(2025/09/12) All time low, cant get out of my bed, have no more energy , didnt even draw or created something for days, all posted artwork are from weeks ago.website is still a mess and cant even find energy to write an entry so imagine if had to recode it. everything is grey (or gray i dont even know how is it written) it is the fourth time i come here to try to write an entry but i just close everything and dont upload. I tried start read a book called 完全自殺マニュアル or in english the complete suicide manual, i know its not best time to read books like that.
•(2025/09/01) Even though the sun is glowing it look like everything is dark, i try my best to make some artworks but nothing comes out i stare at a blank canvas for minutes then close the software , i can only post the lot of artwork i created during my rush period but i dont know how many time will it be before i will have no artwork left to post. Tried to play yakuza 1 to feel better but even that didnt work , the only light that keep me from falling is the song poxa by cortex, it ,makes me so happy.
•(2025/08/29) My pc broke down a couple days ago losing nearly everything also i couldnt draw anymore even though my body was crraving it but the good thing is the craving lasted one day but the bad thing is that my morale fall down dramatically, i stayed in my bed all day and hadnt the energy to do anything, just laying down listening to music , even the sky lost its color i had and still have some bad thoughts drilling on my skull trying to pollute my mind. The barely good thing is that i got a used computer to replace the old one, the coding on this diary is absolutely terrible i have to change the pixel height of each entry manualy and it is tiring because it grew so much , i am to tired to remake the code for now. The sun has waken up some minutes ago but the sky is still sad, i atleast the night it is sincere with its darkness not like this hypocrite day. i will go sleep now my eyes are tired from all the nnight awake.
•(2025/08/16) Sorry for the inactivity, i was feeling down , also i finished the exam week some time ago and i have no school for some time , i felt useless in this time , but strangely some days ago i felt unstopable , awake, creative , for example today i did 4 artworks just today , i couldnt stop , its like if some weeks or months i am sad and dont have energy but out of nowhere i feel unstoppable , staying all night drawing , making music , creating art. But i know it will fade out.
•(2025/07/20) I hate that person , they made me belive there was something , they flirted , they made me belive , but when i was the most down , the most alone , when i lost my pet and far from my family they blocked me for no reason; i am so tired of this. i nearly cried , hadnt the energy to do nothing even though the exam week is aproaching.
•(2025/07/15) Rember the person of the last entry , i got obsessed , i think about them no stop for all day , checking my phone hundred of times to see if they answered, they left me on delivered for hours even though they open my stories and are online , the worse is that when i ask if i bother them the person told me that they are introvert and very busy but i dont know they seem sweet and nice but it is realy eating me away. PS: funny enough as i check my phone now i see that they are online and delivered for 11h, like if i bother them why not tell me. Also the exam week is aproaching so i hope this doesnt affect my academic performance
•(2025/07/06) It has been all night i have been thinking about the disrespect so as soon as the sun came i had to write this, someone i hate , a friend of a friend , been a year i know them , each time i greet them they try to make fun of me and humiliate me trying to pass it as a joke , but today itwas the last straw they dared to snatch my headset off my head to joke , i was about to start a fight about it , but i calmed down and went home , it still stuck in my head , im not usually violent but this waken up something in me, always my father since little teached me to controll my anger even though it sometimes corrodes me from the inside , like a pressure cooker about to explode, but i think i did good not making a scene , peace is the better response , but forgivness dont mean forget. besides that i have 2 other bad news , lately i have a very bad jaw pain from the right side , i dont know why even the doctor dont know , he gave me some painkillers and an anti inflamatory and thats it. Second bad news is that i started to catch feeling toward someone and still have to know if it in both ways. and by this i start my day , GOOD MORNING! ps: its astonishing how i gradually i write this entry i feel better and relaxed , from full of anger to totally relaxed w
•(2025/06/29) The heat is unbearable , i litteraly melting my skin away , my clothes are wet from the heat. besides that everything is just normal, i watched the movie leon the profesional it was good but i was very uncomfortable with some scenes , it was like that some of the scenes were just a pedo fantasy of the scenarist.
•(2025/06/26) days are getting slightly better, i feel good, the person i cared about finnaly answered the messages it was just a national internet shotdown , i am now reassured , currently listenting to 1train by asap rocky i have been loopiing the intro for nearly a hour i really love it. I hope you all had a wonderful day.
•(2025/06/22) It has been a long time i dont post something , since the exam week in june i was drained mentaly and physicaly , im so tired of everything , i wake up tired , all day with a mind fog , i turn on my computer to make somthing and i end up staing at the desktop for hours without nothing just music looping , a woman asked for a commision some time ago and i accepted to do it and declined her money , at the end i didnt do it i dont have the mental clarity to work or to concentrate , the days wee i have free i wake up at noon eat something and scroll through stupid content for hours , rotting my brain away and end up going to sleep at the most early at 2:00 am , i dont know what to make anymore , there is also that one person i care about that live very far , in an active war zone , 4 days ago messages stopped mid conversation while explaining to me that the noise of the bombs are scary, last activity 2025/06/18, its sad. PS: writting this really helped me , sorry fo the incoherent text i just poured my heart in the text writting everything going on in my head. by the way sorry if there is missing R in the text my keyboard R key is starting to having problems. Good night!
•(2025/05/13) Today it was very tiring , school was feeling like torture , exam week is aproaching very fast, so i spend more and more time studying instead of using that time to be here working on my things , i finished studying very late and took a nap , and now i find myself at 3:00 of the morning on my pc working on my html website. I really should go sleep but why , only to stay hours staring at the ceiling while overthinking and stressing over false scenarios. But good thing , i finished yesterday the album ROVU , i announced it on twitter before going to school this morning , everything is ready but i need first to make a web page for it. The project it self isnt some mozart level but i am very proud of myself.
•(2025/05/09) I nearly started a fight with my childhood bully , it escalated so fast , insults and shouts fused , at one moment the bully approached me face to face and started taunting me , i nearly lost my controll and punched her in the face. but violence is never the solution. A more happy update i just finished playing to yakuza 0 and it was so goood!
•(2025/05/06) Today i didnt had classes , i spent the time at home, i started seriously working on music , on my album 「ロヴ」. I want through the album to express the different phases of love, im currently at 5 songs, i think ill need 7 more to finish it. Also ill have to start ot work on a dedicated page for music in the website and maybe update the socials page.
•(2025/05/02) Yakimura is a bottle thrown in the ocean , maybe one day someone will find it , maybe in a month , a year , 50 years , and they will look at it. this is my dream.
•(2025/05/01) Today i really had a reflexion on who i really am, its like if i had a different mask depending to whom i talk to , wheter its my teacher , family , classmates. i came to the conclusion that its through this online presence that i am the real me , i am yakimura , and u the one or two reading this are the only few that know the real me. my fears, my dreams , my problems , you know the real me.
•(2025/04/23) Since the train dream of the 04/19 i have a crippling fear of train stations and railways in general, i cant even go to the train station of my city without thinking that something will happen and i will end in the railways crushed.
•(2025/04/15) Tried to make a cake , failed miserably.
•(2025/04/10) When i came back home i had enough courage to make the thing i always feared , animation , i am making the game 001 walking , i finshided all the landscape and i only need to add the people and the player , but i stopped at the rig making , i felt the animation like a mountain that i could not climb, but today i started. i hope i finish it as soon as posible to post it. its midnight i stopped for now , i cannot afford stay awake all night anymore.
•(2025/04/05) This entry is about today and yesterday, the sun is coming back and with is school is back , it got me really stressed up lately , my eye spams are getting worse and worse because of the stress, and on top of it im getting nearly no sleep.
•(2025/04/02) Yesterday was my brithday! so Happy birthday to myself :-) , i know that i promised that i will be more regular but since the last entry i am obssesed with photography i take a hundred picture a day with my camera and spend all the time in Lightroom trying to make them look beautiful, and good news , i will probably go to italy in a couple of months to visit im so happy!!!!
•(2025/03/26) The spring is here! (a little bit late (-_-;)), i was searching in some drawers and i found a old camera the "Fujifilm A350" i dont know much about cameras but i like the render of it, i spent the last days just taking pictures of everything. I also made and posted the artwork n028 in pixiv hope you liked it. DAYS WILL GET BETTER!!!!!!!
•(2025/03/11) It did not got better, im feeling dull, i have that bad omen feeling coming back with some stress, i dont know why, i started to have spams in my eyelids. and the cherry on the cake im starting to have romantic heartache, like im not a big romance person but lately i had a lot of feelings building up (maybe hormones) and the romantic songs are not helping it. Plus the person that i liked for now 5 months got my hints and was happy to know that it was my type, it started talking through messages because we live far away, but even though i felt that there was interest the person wasnt very talkative and it torture me to have to start conversations and keep them alive. So i took the hard decision to stop texting and i think the person thinked that i was no more interested and stopped interacting with me. i just want to burry myself 10ft undear earth like a cicada and never come out again. Good news is i repaired my desktop chair =3
•(2025/02/27) It has been a long time i didnt updated here nor posted something, i was in a low lately. Hope it will get better.
•(2025/02/17) Today it was very cold in my room , i tried to do some drawings and finish coding the game "walking" but it was so cold , my hand didnt move the way as i wanted them to move , my fingers were hurting as i write this down . but i stil did a pixel art of USHI ONI in pixiv go check it out.
•(2025/02/14) First and foremost HAPPY VALENTINE DAY (a little bit late) , today it was valentine day, the sun came out and the clouds hidden themselves from the sky , but the cold was still there , i went out with some friends to eat out in a restaurant , it feel so good to go outside once in a while, it really changes from my room. i guess thats all what happened , and like each day at midnight i will start working on some art and make the pixiv dialy theme. by the way the way i writte this journal is that i take notes on my phone through the day and when everyone go to sleep i turn on my computer and start posting.
•(2025/02/13) Today i really stopped to think about the purpose of all this , i spent so much time learning website coding to build all this so i can start to share my art , feelings etc... , but now that i have built the website i feel like i lost a big part of my purpose , i spend entire hours going all over the website looking if it need a new page. But im grateful that i finsished it so i can focus more on my creations. its 8:30pm, i always start having creative ideas only when the sun is down , i will start by making some music , then when it will be midnight i will do the pixiv theme of the day. and if im too lazy to go sleep i will continue making props for the game "walking", PS: it is 2:00AM i finally finished the main props of the game , posted for the pixiv daily theme the Nerium Oleander (go check it out!!) and i finished the music Blue Windows available on ytb.
•(2025/02/12) I wake up early today because i finally went to class , the weather was terrible , it was cloudy and very cold id loved to stay at home warm ,this day got me tired alot,specially the gray sky feelt very opressing , i went to the mall buy some food as a surprise to my sick dad so he recover faster, even though i thought the day will be bad i opened my pixiv and found 5 notifications of people who liked my art and it got me so happy \(◦'⌣'◦)/ , anyawys its nearly 4:00 am , as a good vampire i will stay awake maybe drawing or writing the book "flowers of evil" (go check it out in shams al maarif section in more content!!!)
•(2025/02/11) Today it was traight up a bad day , i wake up tired because i went to sleep at 3am , then i learned that my father started to get really really sick but didnt want to consult a doctor , and to top it all the people that tried to hack my accounts came back , so i had to spent more time securizing the accounts i forgot to securize and i got MY EMAIL suspended for suspicious activity, im feed up , if i loose the email i will loose everything. I contacted them and still waiting for a response
•(2025/02/10) I woke up early today to study, other than that the day was pretty boring, the poor lighting in my room make it even worse , i feel like blob , not having a purpose, all this projects help me a little bit mentally, but it is getting bad , really bad , the days are speeding , i feel like i am just a stone in the middle of a flowing river. I am still waiting for the good days , i am still waiting for the spring , everything is so grey , sad and dead in winter. (⌣́_⌣̀)
•(2025/02/09) Yesterday i sleept at 4am , the waking was hard but i tried to wake up early,i recieved a lot of mails today saying that people to try to hack my accounts , i already been hacked my old instagram account so i feared to loose everything again, i spent all the Morning changing passwords and setting up 2FA it was tiring , the worst is that my chair break in the middle of this while trying to adjust it and now i have to get myself a new one,when i finished securizing my accounts i wanted to work on my projects but i had no inspiration, i stayed 1 hour staring at the screen not knowing what to do while looping the king geedorah take me to your leader album. After a while i started to experiment with fractals and waves in krita then when i found a good result i posted it in pixiv, then i started to work on a game , i searched references to make the 3d models but when i started modeling the software didnt stop bugging , im too tired to continue so i better go to sleep.
•(2025/02/08) Today i woke up late like Always, lately i had a very low moral , i didnt even turn on my computer to work on this website or the art, i dont know if i will go to school next Week but i dont really feel to but i dont want to fail my exams , i start to really hate this winter, even this autumn this year is so weird. I think i really need to start to sleep early, saying this while it is 4:00 in the morning (-_-;)
•(2025/02/06) I went out my family to eat outside , I had to weak up early and it was very hard, last night i went to sleep very late. All this day i had bad feeling , like Something bad is about to happen soon, i had this feeling coming out very frequently lately. I really feel Something bad is about to happen. Also this Week like the one before i didnt went to school at all. I feel i start to have a very bad habit of missing school.
•(2025/02/06) I just finished coding this website today, i made a funny gif of a moon and a sun for the website i loved it.